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The Pickle Jar

by Lesley Kernochan

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1.
Blueberry Eyes And the onion's peeled Brilliant nothingness revealed The purest smiles unsealed For the sunset And she'll almost jump An existentialist stumped But her agenda is trumped For the sunset Blueberry eyes Drink orange juice skies As we say our goodbyes To the pineapple sun Grapefruit clouds sing They wash away the sting Of the puzzles and things That keep us on the run And all that I know is thank you And all that I know is thank you
2.
My Giant Jar 05:40
I've been hypnotized by a giant jar Of questions about who we are Which means that my binoculars Are stuck on to my face In the Dance of the Philosophy Jig The little things become so big Her lips are like a freshly cut fig And I still can't decide what to order It's lucky for me I have a friend Who's soul can usually transcend The way we all nervously defend The things we think we know So I step into the boxing ring It's Gandhi vs. Comfortable Living And all of a sudden I start to sing my new favorite mantra Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason So many visions of who I want to be But never content with just being free I've memorized all the self-help philosophy But my brain and heart aren't in agreement You know I want a cigarette but I don't smoke That carcinogenic shits' a total joke On me and you and your lungs that do Absorb it and save it for later So now I'm stuck In indecisive muck And I hope and pray that luck will pry me out of here Oh, give me a minute and my mood will change But my internal compass is not deranged It sits on a rock observing the range Of experiences I splash around in And it whispers to me Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason The sleepy cloud is moving in Disrupting radar searching for sin And thus in my delirium I can finally feel peace So, right now I'm calm inside I finally pushed my fear aside The giant fish mouth opens wide And I return to the ocean I'm made of Deep inside I have a hunch, That life is just a glorious lunch Packed with a rainbow of morsels to munch That are sweet or sour or bitter But what the hell do I really know I love the sea, I love the snow I love the Yes, I love the No and the octogenarian in me says to Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason Do I because you Love it, and for no other reason
3.
I’ve been planning a special trip for a while The Dark Lady’s ready to put me on trial She’s the one with the purple eyes Playing the cello while somebody cries Anyway maybe you don’t know her yet But she gave me two tickets for her private jet Told me I could invite only one other part Myself and my brain or myself and my heart Luckily I’m totally sick of my brain It leads me to the same places again and again A dead end alley with a beautiful tree That keeps refusing to sing with me Oh this time I’m gonna speak like a child Keep it simple so no lawsuits are filed I’m gonna cry if you don’t love me Keep me humble Keep me humble Keep me humble Dirty old sponges sitting in the sink While she’s busy dusting off her wink It was found in the corner of the kitchen floor Who knows what she’ll end up using it for An elderly woman paints a picture all day She’s contemplating calling it reality And it looks like a hunk of Swiss cheese You can have some but first you must say please Oh I certainly hope this trip goes alright I wouldn’t mind turning into a ball of light I wouldn’t mind calling off this search And realizing that being here right now is my church Oh this time I’m gonna speak like a child Keep it simple so no lawsuits are filed I’m gonna cry if you love me Keep me humble Keep me humble
4.
Uh-Oh 04:12
Uh-oh you’re taking yourself too seriously again And so you measure everything on a scale from one to ten Does it live up to your expectations, proving you’re great? Can you feed it to your hungry ego on a silver plate? Uh-oh you planned out how your life is gonna be And then you realize that you can’t predict the sea But it was all gonna be so easy falling in love Creating some genius music straight from above Well let it go, let it go Let it go, let it go Uh-oh you’re thinking that you’re gonna figure it all out Well you might have better luck trying to cuddle with a rainbow trout Because my dear before you know it three days have gone by And you never really tasted any of that jiggly chocolate pie Uh-oh you’re thinking you have to be more than what you are And when you pick at a scab it’s more likely to become a scar Well ok I think we’ve covered enough for today And please remember to hold your own heart in the most loving and tender way And let it go, let it go Let it go, let it go
5.
I wanna go insane Lock me in a room with only a piano Tell all the logical folks to leave me be And simplify my reality Fill up my vase with two big rocks My love for music and broken clocks There’s sixty million little things But doing more won’t give you wings Don’t live a lie that sucks you dry Jump out of the hamster wheel And actually let yourself feel A wise woman said Don’t be caught dead While you’re still alive Which wrinkles are deeper on your face The crows feet Or the train tracks between your eyes I think I’ve gone insane I locked myself in a room with only a piano Tell all the logical folks knockin’ at my door That I don’t care anymore Filled up my vase with two big rocks My love for music and my love for you
6.
Yes 03:19
God it’s too beautiful today My little hearts going to explode How dare you wake me up this way With the silkiest breeze that’s ever flowed Through my window to my toes Playin’ with the peach fuzz on my nose Outside a sour cherry glows And I’m finding it very difficult to focus on all the things I usually worry about Cue the squirrels chasing each other Cue the birds chirping to one another Fuzzy illuminated whispering leaves It’s all too much deliciousness please What, what about my worry wheel And all the scary things I feel What about, what about my heavy thoughts Squished in my brain like a puzzle of knots What about the wars, the prison doors The melting arctic floors, the unrespected, unprotected whores And the pain and confusion from loving someone Yes that’s all there With the butterfly that landed on my neighbors chair And I can’t help, no I can’t help but smile
7.
Ouch! 03:45
Ok we’ve both broken each other’s hearts now Ok I got to taste a bit of my own medicine Alright I tried to have my cake and eat it too But so did you And now we both know what it’s like to hate each other Because we love each other so damn much Well I ain’t gonna waste my day feelin’ sad Cause I don’t know how much time I still have So I’ll eat this heartbreak toast for breakfast (and I’m gonna enjoy every bite) And maybe next time you and I won’t be as reckless Waow! Woke up this morning and there was snow outside And for some unknown reason my heart is open wide For some unknown reason it doesn’t hurt to think of you And maybe one of these days you’ll take me off the bottom of your shoe Rainbow eyes and coffee Walking through the rain Whisper sweet things softly Oh wait, there’s the pain Ok we’ve both broken each other’s hearts now Ok I got to taste a bit of my own medicine Alright I tried to have my cake and eat it too But so did you And now we both know what it’s like to hate each other Because we love each other so damn much Well I’m just gonna waste my day feelin’ sad Cause I don’t know how much time I still have So I’ll eat this heartbreak toast for breakfast (and it tastes like shit) And maybe next time you and I won’t be as reckless Woaw!
8.
I paint my fingers red After sneakin' outta bed I grab my momma's pearls She says they're only for the big girls Well maybe I ain't started to bleed But I'm already dreamin' of doin the deed I've got all sorts of pleasure fire And I know better than to think it's a sinful desire I'm a young girl in perfect health I found my sweet pearl from touching myself It's all so hush-hush It makes the people blush Movin’ all around The pleasure feels profound, like the sky and the ground But I got a feeling this is not a feeling to discuss Dreamin' of the day I'll be needing a bra Running out to play on the schoolyard see-saw My mind's a reelin', why 's everyone making such a fuss? dum-dee-dum I'm a young girl in perfect health I found my sweet pearl from touching myself It's all so hush-hush It makes the people blush I lock the closet door And I sit down on the floor Canndlestick in my hand I'm curious what it's like to be with a man Huh, what was that I thought I heard a sound I'd be mortified if I was ever found Doin' this thing we all like to do Don't worry honey it ain’t nothin' new Relax, enjoy, play with your new toy...
9.
Good Morning darling You're whirling through space right now And somehow the trees and breeze And diseases and you are all here So good morning darling Just be and do whatever you want Your heart will tell you everything you need to know So don't be afraid to glow And if you wanna put on a show Or maybe today is heavy and you're full of woe Well then take it slow You don't always have to go, go, go… Just let yourself tumble and fumble through this world That you do and don't know Good morning darling It's time for a brand new day Don't worry that you'll fuck it up Cause you'll be swell and then you'll slip in the muck And that's the rhythm of life, oh That's the rhythm of life, yes Life is messy and life's absurd Life is messy and life's absurd Life is messy and life is absurd
10.
You know sometimes I think life ‘s a lot like ordering a PB&J sandwich on white bread with the crust cut off horizontally sliced, and getting some diagonally sliced white bread thick n’ hearty crusted tuna melt with a pickle on the side. Yeah, that’s the gospel of Calvin and Hobbes ladies and gentlemen. In other words, Yeah I can talk about stuff Oh I can hang around on planet fluff But I still cannot smile when I’m sad So hate me cause I have three grapes and you have one But try carryin’ a heart full of guilt that weighs two ton For once I know one thing I know I don’t know nothin’ So preach and teach what you hope ‘s true And pray that one day it will happen for you Or take a bath instead Either way you’ll be dead soon, wew! I got a little love conundrum maybe ya’ll can help me out with… [yeah, what’s that] So this guy triggers my heart The other guy electrifies my private parts So now it’s my job to sit and breathe Oh I wish I knew that we was right My chakras are all clenched up tight The battle ends and I being the fight As my dreams and reality discuss And my emotions make a big fuckin’ fuss, unnn ouch Maybe in a while I’ll look back on today and smile Baby, maybe in a while all the pain will be beautiful When I’m 83 or maybe sooner When I’m 83 or maybe sooner When I’m 83, when I’m 83 Or maybe now
11.
It’s been so noisy in my skull The movie theater is packed full I play shows there all day and night Trying to make the past and future just right And so today in the velvet chairs The same crowd as always prepares To indefatigably critique Every moment of every week Yeah… Well of course Mr. and Mrs. Fear are here With their sixteen well fed kids And of course the Should and Shouldn’ts came With their opinion jars that have no lids But this time someone else arrived Someone they definitely didn’t know Yes the guests where quite surprised To see me come to my show Yeah… I walked in bare feet down the isle My toes crunched a little popcorn pile I found myself a dusty seat And leaned forward to whisper to Dr. Defeat “Excuse me sir could you please tell me How you got in this place for free. And do you also happen to know What movie I’m going to show?” Yeah… Same show you always show, it’s the same old thing It’s called And we are All Alone Together Yes we are all, all alone But we are All Alone Together This is the tip of the feather that’s shown This is the only forever that’s known
12.
Hello loneliness, shall I sing you a tune Or together we’ll sit and we’ll howl at the moon My bones know your aching oh so well And you’re always nearby as far as I can tell Please make yourself comfortable I’m not the best host but my pillows are full There’s soup in the cupboard and freshly baked bread And I know how much you love to hide in my bed So Ok, we’ll have it your way Have a cup of tea while you lean into me Well ok, we’ll have it your way And I’ll try to smile cause it looks like you’re gonna be around for a while You’re welcome to stay as long as you like I’m not gonna try to build up a dike Whenever I do you come crashing through And all the rocks I carefully stacked make me black and blue So wash over me and I’ll drink you down Let’s see what happens when I’m willing to drown Pushing you out has never worked So here I am, Hello And ok, we’ll have it your way Have a cup of tea while you lean into me Well Ok, we’ll have it your way And I’ll try to smile cause it looks like you’re gonna be around for a while And ok, we’ll have it your way Have a cup of tea while you lean into me Well Ok, we’ll have it your way And I’ll try to smile cause it looks like you’re gonna be around for a while… Hello loneliness shall I sing you a tune Or together we’ll sit and we’ll howl at the moon My bones know your aching oh so well And you’re always nearby as far as I can tell so Wash over me and I’ll drink you down Let’s see what happens when I’m willing to drown Pushing you out has never worked So here I am, Hello.

about

A collection of songs about pickles that turned into blessings. This sophomore album is a sassy, heartfelt, unpredictable adventure. There are a multitude of grooves and a wide range of stories.

Featured Review: "If you were to blend the eclectic musical stylings of Nellie McKay add the incredible voice range of Kate Bush, you may begin to understand the wild ride Lesley Kernochan’s The Pickle Jar will take you on. No need to try and pigeonhole Ms. Kernochan – that’s virtually impossible, and while it may be a frustration for many reviewers and music buffs, it’s a breath of fresh air to me. I have listened to this CD countless times over the past few weeks, enjoying it more every time.

Imagine being pulled and whirled through a series of musical stylings – staccato violins, banging pianos, musical saws, trombones. Various key changes, tempo changes, timing; and that could be all in one song! How it moves so effortlessly from mandolins and a little honky-tonk piano in one piece into a romp worthy of a stageful of dancing Roaring 20’s flappers I’m not sure, but every listen I give to it leaves me smiling and laughing at discovering some new piece of brilliance.
Do I love The Pickle Jar? Absolutely. Will I look for more Lesley Kernochan in the future? You bet your eclectic butt. Thank you to Lesley Kernochan!"

~Diane Kidman’s Carp(e) Libris

credits

released January 1, 2009

Lesley Kernochan - vocals, piano, alto sax, musical saw, kazoo
Jamie Stillway - guitars
Arthur Parker - bass
Drew Shoals - drums
Skip von Kuske - cello
Ben Blechman - violin
Tim Connell - mandolin
Kyrstyn Pixton - vocal harmonies (tracks 2 & 4)
James Cook - jaw harp (track 2)
Rob Stroup - acoustic guitar (track 10)
Daniel Lamb - trombone (track 3)
Robin Jackson - clarinet (track 3)
Eric Miller - trumpet (track 3)
Katie Colgan, Ruth Hayward, Lewis Childs, Rob Stroup, & Kyrstyn Pixton - chorus (track 11)

All songs written and arranged by Lesley Kernochan
Recorded and mixed by Rob Stroup at 8-Ball Studios in Portland, OR
Produced by Rob Stroup and Lesley Kernochan
Mastering by Ed Brooks at RFI/CD Mastering in Seattle, WA
CD art by Lesley Kernochan & Andy Pierson
Cover Photo by Amy Hatfield

All rights reserved Lesley Kernochan, copyright 2009

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Lesley Kernochan Los Angeles, California

Lesley Kernochan is an Americana singer/songwriter with occasional bursts of comedy, pop, rock, and jazzy mouth trumpet. Within each song Lesley's versatile voice brings music to life that is "uniquely beautiful [with] lively and sharp intelligence" [NoDepression]. Lesley has an eclectic background as a saxophonist, contemporary composer, operatically trained coloratura, and musical saw player. ... more

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